Apparently, I didn't have a first word, I had a first sentence. I don't know. Maybe I'd been going Mamamamamamama for so long that it just didn't count or something.

But anywho, my first sentence was: "A bee... My Daddy kilt a bee..." Because he must have killed a wasp or something. He was always doing that with his bare hands, too. :)

We just got a letter in the mail from Fannie Mae. Seems that they have been given our mortgage. Oh, we'll still send our payments to GMAC, but since GMAC is backed by Fannie Mae (not to mention how GM itself is owned mostly by the government now), and Fannie Mae is an automaton of the Federal Government...

Yeah. Until we get out from under this mortgage, our house and land is owned by the government. And that sucks.

Okay, so our Solar guy, Ben, called up a few days ago, saying that he was contacted by our state senator's office. Seems they are going to be drafting some kind of legislation having to do with Solar power and the senator wants to come down and see solar panels being installed on location. Since ours will be going in very soon, Ben was calling to see if it was ok with us if the senator stopped by here. This particular senator is on the opposite side of the political spectrum from Dan, but I didn't really think much of that. I figure most people are.

But today, he shows me this article. Now, forget that this guy is a tea party person. I know no one out there gives a shit about the tea parties, thankyewverymuch. But he was doing his duty, writing letters to his senator, giving his opinion on legislation and everything, and Sheldon Whitehouse sic'ed the friggin FBI on him! Not just the FBI, but the Joint Terrorism Task Force of the FBI! For writing letters!

The same Sheldon Whitehouse, Senator, who will be coming to our house to see our solar panels being put together. Oh hellls no!! Frack!!!

And it's not like we can throw a shitfit and not let him come here- he might sic the FBI on *us*. Hell, he might do it anyway- Dan's been writing him letters for a while now. Shitball. But this is just insane.

You remember those, right? And so many people had them at the Phish show! And they looked so cozy! And I remembered the ones that I used to have. The blue one that was woven weird and was stiff, the white one I desperately wanted that said "Imagine" on the back and had the world with a peace sign over top of it. The white one I was wearing on St. Patrick's day when Dave and I got broadsided and I climbed out the window with blood pouring from a tiny cut on my forehead, and some dripped on it. The other white one with no hood that had the beautiful woven color panels, that our landlady had given me, that she'd had since the *actual* 1960's, that I'd washed the wrong way and the colors all bled all over the white parts and I could never figure out how to fix it, so I gave it away the last time Big Sisters came looking for donations...

Thing is, I miss having one. They're warm and comfy and good for camping and hanging around the house and stuff. And I could douse it with patchouli and it would be niiice. :D

They have some at the Stuckey's truck stop by the highway, or they did the last time I was there and wandering around looking at stuff. I wish I could remember how much they wanted for them. I found a bunch on ebay. I wish the pictures were taken from up closer. I'd like to see the weave and make sure it's not going to be the same as that first blue one I had. *shrug* Oh well.

I found an art. By Bev Bevilacqua, "The Hay Rake".
http://thefineartprintgallery.com/product_info.php?products_id=789

I wish to BOB I knew how to get to Mrs Davis' old house. Because her house was old like this, and she had a hay rake just like this in the lower yard. She had an awesome house. It must have been a Victorian. There was the parlour, where we weren't allowed to go, with the embroidered footstools. And then the back of the parlour, where the small tv was, and she would play the Gennie James version of The Secret Garden over and over and over again. There was a fabulous staircase that wound around not quite in a spiral, as it had landings, and I'm sure the house had a proper attic. I don't think I went upstairs much at all- maybe some day she was watching us and I got ill or was deathly tired or something.

She had a little fisherman dude in the kitchen with a weight hanging off the fishing line, so that if you tugged on the weight *just* right, he'd bob there gently, forever catching fish. But I could never quite get it, and he'd always be falling off the shelf, and she'd be yelling. We'd help her in her garden, and wash and peel vegetables in the sink, and wander around the yard and adventure just a little bit into the woods. She'd take us for walks back there sometimes, and we'd learn what ladyslippers, princess pine, mint, and huckleberries all looked like.

A couple times she walked us down to the farm nearby that had horses. They had Mom's horse that she'd given up when she started having kids. Copper was his name. Her husband, Wayne, had turned their shed into a painting studio. Mom still has one of his paintings- three pigs on a red-brick background. Kinda OpArt, for an old dude. They had another shed, that was so close to the house, only the cat could squeeze between them. And I learned that cats use their whiskers to see if a space will be wide enough to accommodate them.

Man, she seemed super-old at the time, but she was probably only 60 or so at the time- as old as my mom is now. That's nuts.

(watch your volume, it's loud and kinda noisy)

So that was one of my crappy cell phone videos I took last night at the show. But the show was awesome. :D

They played Makisupa Policeman! It's this kinda reggae-ish song, that I love, as it was the first live song I ever heard them play, way back in '97 at the Great Went. That was awesome. Walking toward the concert area, listening to the first strains of the music, watching this total hippie chick ahead of us with her huge patchwork corduroys and her dreadlocks flying out behind her as she skipped to the beat toward the stage.. Good times, good times.

And the shows have such good vibes, too. You probably noticed I focused on the people in the row ahead of us in that video? Well, what had happened was this. The dude in the light-colored hat had originally been sitting right in front of me. The guy right in front of me had been dancing in the aisle. They both were stoned, especially Hat Guy, because suddenly they were embracing like long-lost brothers. Hat Guy was kissing Other Guy's nappy head, and his necklace, and hugging all over him, and he invited him in to the extra seat they had next to them. It was funny to see.

Then Other Guy got on his cell phone and eventually, The Girl showed up, saying how Righteous Other Guy was (now Righteous Guy), with the guy in the blue hoodie, and she got introduced to Hat Guy, and he hugged on her like she was another long-lost relation, and Hat Guy asked if Hoodie Guy was cool, and Righteous Guy gave him the thumbs up, like he would vouch for him, he's cool. So they all moved over a bit and The Girl, Hoodie Guy, and the Righteous Dude got seats that they probably couldn't have gotten otherwise. All because Hat Guy was wicked outgoing and probably a little too stoned for his own good. *lol* At one point, he saw two bottles of water at my feet and asked if he could have a sip- he was *dying*. Since I didn't know where one bottle came from, and my bottle was still sealed, and Dan had another bottle that was still sealed, I just gave him mine. *lol*

And I had a little adventure of my own when I went to use the ladies' room- I left my ticket back at my seat with Dan. And the bathroom floors were all wet. Ew ew ew ew ew! I found one stall where the floor wasn't *too* terrible, and the seat didn't need *too* much cleaning, but I still felt like my jeans has a ring of urine around the bottom when I got out. Just thinking about it made my ankles feel itchy the rest of the night. Didn't help that I'd knocked over a recycling station on my way down the stairs, and it felt like I had beer all over my legs, too.

But so I was on my way back and they were *really* checking tickets to let people back to their seats. I was lucky I'd brought my phone! And that Dan had his on vibrate, so that he'd answered it when I called! He brought my purse back down and said that he'd been worried about me from the moment I left. So there were hugs and kisses and we threaded our way back through the crowd to our seats. Try not to step on people's feet, follow the frat boy train, woo-woo! past the people with the psychedelic strobing bunny ears, and we're there!

Just an awesome show. The worst part was the traffic getting out afterwards. We actually got bumped by some idiot in a Subaru. He said he'd give us $100 for it, or what do we want to do? And Dan was just like... Ugh, dude, let's just get out of here. It's just a teeny paint scrape, not enough to involve insurance companies over, and he felt bad taking the guy's money, so he didn't. But DAMMIT DUDE, PAY ATTENTION!!!

All in all though, a very awesome day. A very awesome show. Dan's cousin Timmy has tickets for a show in August, right around my birthday. He's hoping to take Aimee and Billy, but they might not be able to make it. I hope he thinks of us, if they can't go...

So while driving with Gramma, she told me about Michael Ross, and how she and Grampa knew him when he was a kid.

Now, back before they moved to Brooklyn, Gramma and Grampa lived in Attawaugan, and lived in a duplex. They rented half the house out to a relative of Michael's grandmother on his father's side (or maybe they rented to the grandparents themselves? I forget..). After Gram & Grampa moved to Brooklyn, Gramma had stopped by and was talking to her one day, the grandmother, and her husband came out and screamed at her to quit talking to people in the yard. Gram said that the grandmother was always a quiet little woman, sitting in church, hands in her lap, smiling all nice..

But Michael was a troublemaker. His father Danny had moved them up behind Gramma and Grampa, in Brooklyn, and when Michael went to wait for the schoolbus, he'd knock over their trash cans, and go through their mail and rip stuff up. Grampa went to speak to Danny, and confronted him about it. Danny asked if Grampa wanted to press charges, and Grampa said no, he didn't want any trouble, he just wanted Michael to mind his own business and leave their stuff alone.

Danny sent Michael over to apologize. "Gee, Mr. Wing, I'm really sorry.." yeah, right. Grampa told him he didn't care if he had to catch the schoolbus on the corner there, but he'd better not touch their trash cans and mail any more, or he *would* be pressing charges. My grandfather stood up to and told off a freaking serial killer!

Gram didn't have any story after that. But I knew that after that, they had gotten a post office box, and still do, to this day. And funny enough, Michael Ross moved to Jewett City, which is where my family moved when I was 9. He'd been arrested two years earlier, but still.

I was thinking about it last night. He was put to death in 2005. Gramma maybe ought to have gone to his execution. Made eye contact. Shown him that people even all the way back to his childhood knew he was a bad seed. And then left, because Gram doesn't need to watch somebody getting killed.

So this time tomorrow, I will be on the road with my Gramma- road trip to VT to visit graves and her friend Phyllis on Grand Isle. Should be cool. Maize says Gram always has stories and stuff.

Super freaking tired. The well driller guy got here before 7:30am for the second time in two days. He's a nutjob that way. Besides that, though, he's a hard worker. Dude never came to ask to use the bathroom yesterday, and we never heard the drill stop all day long. I don't know if he ever ate lunch. I'll be glad when the geothermal stuff is all hooked up and finished and I don't have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn. I mean, I know I'll have to when I get a job, but... *sigh*

Oh, and I have to get up even earlier tomorrow because I have to be *at* Gram's at 8am, and it takes like an hour to get there, and I need to take a shower first, because Maize says showers don't happen at Phyllis' house before Gram decides it's time to take off. So. Okay. 6am? So I can get something to eat, too? Guh. So tired right now.

Jack has been ridding the yard of voles(?). He brought one up on the porch the other day, and we've found three more dead in the yard. We assume it was him.. But the well drilling has been so loud that he's been skittish about going outside. Which makes me happy. :)

So I'll be home from VT on Saturday at some time. I don't know, I thought I had more to post, but something on TV Dan was watching on FoxNews with some guy that was jibbijabbering and I lost my train of thought. Totally derailed. Oh well.

So we've had the Geothermal guys coming here at 8am since Tuesday. Four days. My normal thing is to stay up until like 3 am and get up when Dan comes home, about 10:30. Nap a bit when he naps. So them coming here 2 and a half hours earlier than my normal wake-up time, has been a bit trying for me. I've had to make a conscious effort to stop watching stupid TV, or stop reading my book (which, I was in the middle of a really good one- The Host by Stephenie Meyer..) and go to bed at a decent hour so that I can wake up by 7:30 in case they got here early.

So the guys are finished here until Tuesday at the earliest. And as Dan was leaving for work just now, I made a little comment of, Yay, I get to sleep in today! And he's all, Yeah, you get to sleep in for a change..

You know what? I am freaking tired! Maybe he can just take off to the hammock when we have strangers in our house and take a leisurely nap, or go to bed when they're working in the basement, but I can't do that! And yes, I got sucked into "just one more chapter" last night and ended up finishing my book at about 4 am, when I had to be on my feet at 7:30 because I *needed* a shower today before they got here, so I only had like minimal sleep and that wasn't the brightest thing to do, but fuck! I need to get doing *something* so he'll get off my ass about this.

I burst into tears. He said, wait, you know that's not the way I meant it, you know I was just joking, right? And of course I said yes.. Because I'm sure he didn't *really* mean it that way... My god, why is he so effing insensitive?

Hanging around the house, because we've had the Geothermal guys here for the last few days. I've got pics up on MySpace, so my mom can see them. (I hope that link works!) She and Dad joined MySpace to see the pics my sister was posting on there, and now won't go to Facebook, because gosh, another social networking site?

Of course, we've had to be up at the buttcrack of dawn every morning for these guys, because they start at like 8 am. I R tired Jinglebeast. At least they leave here by 4. We can get good naps in. I feel kinda useless, sitting around reading, watching TV, poking at the computer while they work, but I have no clue what all it is that they're doing, or if I'd be a help in any way.

One guy was installing a vent/return thingy in the ceiling of the non-computer room and must have seen my ACOA Sourcebook, or something, because when Dan offered him coffee, he said, sure, but no Bailey's or Sambuca added to it, I've got 8 years sober! I think he was trying to start up a convo about sobriety or something. :) They're cute when they're still excited about being sober. *lol*

Oh, hah! The duct guy's Roto-zip just died while trying to cut the tile in the bathroom! Good thing he had a spare in the truck! Gah, it stinks, though!

(5-25-92 Went 2 Al-Anon Picnic (Memorial Day). Met: Isaac- cute guy, 15, About my height (taller?) gold shirt, A's hat, sandy-tone shoes, dk hair, eyes. Smoked. He seemed nice, though. Vinnie- (Vinny?) tall, dk hair, skin, eyes, crooked teeth, nice smile, 23 gold Jckt, white tee shirt, also seemed nice. The girl from the bowling alley was there + also took Vinnie home. The guy was there too! Dad said hi to him- his name's Steve. Wore same poncho, jeans, tie-dye Deadhead shirt, hair in a pony-tail, hat. He's wicked cute. I bet he's going out w/her, though. Oh, well. He's probably in his 20's, anyhow. She kept looking daggers at me whenever I walked by. :( Oh, well. I can't wait to go 2 school + see Jay 2-morrow. G-go now. Bye!
~Jocelyn

So that was somewhat painless. I picked a shorter entry because Dan was in the shower and I wanted to get it done before he got out and could ask a bunch of questions. *lol*

We went to several AA picnics, I'm not 100% sure which one this one was. I don't remember these people, except I do remember going to the bowling alley at one point with a nice lady, but I don't remember a cute guy and his girl being there. *shrug*

I broke out my teenybopper journal last night and read a couple of lines from the first entry and about died of mortification. Stuff written in April of 1992, so I would have been 15 at the time. Things misspelled, like "skool" and "Akshully" or something like that. And done on purpose, because of course I knew how to spell. And boy-crazy. And somewhat brainless.

So I may just skip that idea. *lol* Plus, posting that in public I think would be embarrassing and possibly damning, in places. And brytne was there for quite a bit of it, and it would just be.. weird. Awkward. And even if I changed names to protect the innocent, I'm sure she could guess who I was talking about...

I might just open it randomly and post it every once in a while. That might be all right. I don't think a thorough day-by-day going-through is going to happen, though...

Since I haven't been posting much, and since I have all sorts of free time, I was thinking about revisiting some of my old journals. It just kinda hit me the other night before I went to bed. Take like my actual journal from when I was young, and post the entry in italics, and then comment on it, on what I might remember about the day, or whatever.

And another idea, to take this other journal I have, that I took notes in on my Paganism books as I was reading them. It was a kind of early, rough draft, idea-gathering place for a pre-Book of Shadows type thing. The idea here would be to reread the books, and type the journal notes in, and make new notes on whether I still agree with what I was thinking when I first read it or not.

*shrug* erzabeta said she'd give me a code for Dreamwidth, so I may end up doing one or the other or both over there, rather than boring everybody to tears here with either teenybopper angst or book criticisms.

So I guess if I do keep one or the other here, should I make a filter? Does anybody *not* want to be bothered with this stuff?

I was sitting on a stool in the kitchen earlier, waiting for the phone to ring because I'd sent an email to the guy at Kaplan U. saying I was quitting before I started, in favor of community college. So I hear these voices behind me, coming in through the screen door on the slider out onto the deck. I don't think anything of it, the neighbors have kids, and they've been cooped up indoors during the monsoon we've had this past week.

But Dan looks out, and says ok, don't panic. And I notice that these aren't the shrieks of 4 and 6 year olds, these are the calm voices of maybe 12 year olds. I look. They're two girls, maybe 12 years old, definitely not the neighbors' little ones, on our side of the drainage pond. One is twirling a branch of something.

You would think that 12 years old is old enough to know not to go walking down onto someone else's property, right? But this always happens to us. Just because it looks nice, because we keep it up by mowing it, they think it's a freaking park for them to stroll in? Our freaking *well* is right there! Then they always go all the way to the pond, and that's where we have the fire pit set up...

I hate that our privacy is continually violated like this! And Dan thinks it's fine, they're just kids.. But I've caught a mother just coming back from bringing her children from a stroll down to our pond one day. Oh hai! Don't mind me, I just live here.

I need to figure out a way to discourage these hooligans! Without planting bushes or something that Dan will have to mow around, without putting up "PRIVATE PROPERTY VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT" signs.. And really, we only own half of the pond and up to half of the ditch that leads to it..

( here's a pic.. ) I don't know. Technically, the Town is supposed to take care of the ditch and pond and up to 10' around them because they're for runoff from the road. And most people on our road, they just leave their ponds and ditches for the Town to deal with whenever they feel like dealing with. But not us. We've taken care of ours since the beginning. Does that mean everyone else gets to come on down and hang out? I say fuck no!

We do have a group for our neighborhood on Facebook. I suppose I could mention something there. Even if the perps aren't in the group, I know there's at least one mom that is, and she may mention it to other moms on the road when she's up at the bus stop, who may mention to other moms..

I just don't understand why these people feel like they have the freedom to come on down. You know? And how infuriating it is, when Dan is ok with it. Because in any other situation, especially social programs, where someone else might benefit from his property, he gets *all* up in arms about. It's just stupefying. I guess it's probably just as funny to him, because I can get behind social programs like universal health care, but not letting neighborhood kids into my yard. *lol*

Because I had to log onto our bank account yesterday, when I was doing FAFSA crap, and had a bit of a shock as far as what was in the checking account. I should have been expecting what I saw. If I've expected X amount to be in there on any given week, and now that there's no more Y amount being direct deposited for my severance, why should I expect X amount to be there still? Of *course* it's going to be at Z amount now.

The good thing is, our savings is looking pretty good. We have a small CD that we originally set up to help fund the trip to England, but Lance and Penny made it so affordable that we didn't need to crack into it at all. So there's that plus a decent regular savings account, but the checking is just looking..

Well, ok. Honestly? It's looking fucking fantastic. Compared to when *I* was doing the bills? It's a dream!

But. But. The reality of my severance being gone, and the scare we already got when my Unemployment was first up and I had to reapply and cross my toes that that was going to be ok... If we do end up having to rely on just Dan's salary.. Will we be able to make it? Can I afford to do college?

And on that note, we brought the smart car up to be upgraded today. They did something to bring the OS up to speed with the '09s, make the transmission smoother, something, and they swapped out the battery with a higher-capacity battery.

So Dan says while they're doing that, why don't we head over to CCRI to talk to somebody about medical transcription, see what it would cost to do this through a community college instead of through Kaplan for $31K. And we get there, and the Knight Campus is just such an industrial eyesore, it makes me ill to look at, let alone walk up to and enter. And we're walking in, and Dan looks back at me and asks if I'm ok. And I can feel my throat closing up and my eyelids starting to prickle...

And instead of freaking out, or throwing a fit, or anything else, he pulled me out a chair at a table in the lobby, and we sat down for a few minutes. I told him I just wasn't prepared to talk to anybody today. I think I need to take another half a Zoloft for that. I don't know if it's the whole college is a scary thing thing, or if it's that damn building, but there is no way I could talk to anyone today. So we leave.

He just asks me not to go with Kaplan, if I can talk to someone at CCRI and maybe do this for a tenth the cost. Yes, absolutely! If I don't have to talk to them today? Absolutely! Especially since medical transcription is kind of a throwaway "hey, what about this?" idea for me to try out as far as getting a job doing.. And if I'm not really *feeling* it, then what the hell am I doing, picking Kaplan over CCRI?

But so I was happy because I didn't feel pressured to just go and talk anyways, and he was happy because I didn't force myself to go because I thought he wanted me to, and a good time was had by all. :) Thank yous from both parties.

And then we went to the mall and found out what time Wolverine was playing, stopped in at the Cox Cable store and picked up a new remote because ours was not working well anymore, hit the food court quick before the movie, went and saw the movie, picked up the smart car, and came home. :D

And then I tried to decide whether to go out to Knit Wits' free knitting night, where my cousin Susan and Gordy go, and have been asking me to go there... But I didn't. And I don't know why. I mean, I know why, it was because Dan was still awake. And I wanted to spend time with him. That's gotten to be a bad habit lately. I can't remember the last time I went out anywhere social without him.. Except to Brytne's that last time.. Am I just being lazy? Is that all it is? Or is there something more actually wrong with me?

No more prunes. Baaaad idea! Last time I went to give blood, my iron was too low. So they gave me a list with iron-rich foods on it, and the girl said that raisins work really well. Well, I don't like raisins, and they sit around for like ever after I buy them, if I buy them. So I bought prunes and apricots, which were also on the list. The apricots were not the kind I like, they were too bitter. The prunes were all right, so I ate more of them.

And now I'm stuck needing to go to the bathroom. But I can't go! Because I'm waiting on a phone call. Dan had forwarded me this link to an online college, to put me on the path to medical transcription. I clicked it, and for the last 2 days I have been on the phone with these people, filling out forms and wishing I hadn't clicked that link. They keep calling!

And Dan keeps asking me questions that I just don't have the answers to. Am I enrolled? I don't know. What are the courses going to cost? I don't know. I mean, they did show me a website, but there were numbers all over it and it didn't make much sense. There was 0%, and 6.8% and this amount, and that amount and another amount and... I don't know!!!

But apparently, they're supposed to call within the next half hour or so. And then after that, another phone call.

And it wasn't a good thing yesterday when I ran upstairs to get the tax info from 2007 while I was on the phone with them, because I hadn't talked to Dan about it. I mean, sure, he needs to be in the know, but he was acting like I was giving out info to some bum off the street! Meanwhile, *he* was the one who'd sent me the email in the first place!! So I told the guy I'd call him back because I needed to talk to Dan, and I didn't. I had a minor meltdown and went grocery shopping.

And the guy called back while I was out and Dan explained what was up. And Dan encouraged me to call him back. Because of course now he's fine with it. But no. I wasn't going to. I was going to give up. Of course.

But he called back again today. Fine. So I'm filling out the financial aid stuff with the financial aid dude, and when I go to look for the W2s from 2007, and can't find them, the genius hung up on me! FINE. I had an appointment to go give blood anyway, and we had to leave in ten minutes, I didn't have time to spend on this crap.

Hours later, we get home from our running around. The original guy had left a message on the machine. What happened? I called him back and left a message for him, telling him that the financial dude left me hanging, that's what. He called back again and apologized, and said that I didn't *need* to go through the FAFSA application with a financial dude if I thought I could handle it, and so I just did it myself.

And so since then, it's been back and forth with this guy and forwarding my call to other people and back to him and calling me and calling me and calling me and I think all the paperwork is done, but I just want this to be over with and I WANT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!

I'm giving them 10 more minutes and then I'm going in there. And I'm not bringing the phone with me.

Dammit.

So Dan just got up, and told me that when I was on the phone with Brytne (you get home ok?), Aimee had called. She and Billy *are* going to go to Disney, as Billy can run interference with the kids pretty well. They were hoping we'd go, too, so we could have our own little group together.

But Dan had literally *just* spoken to Lorraine and told her we weren't going to go. Because our honeymoon was *that* much of a disaster. That he didn't want to relive. Especially in front of family.

He's telling me this now. That our honeymoon was so terrible that he doesn't ever want to go back to Disney again. Christ on a cracker! And here I was thinking we could redo it over better! Now that I'm on medication and in a better state of mind, and now that Crocs exist and I won't be forced to buy new shoes halfway through the trip just so I can get blisters in new places..?

I reminded him of these points. He says that he just can't have what happened at the Cheesecake Factory happen again. I guess more family, more embarrassment.. Or something. But dude, I was fucking *starving*!!! Oh well. he asked me if I wanted to go, and I told him no, but that if we *did* go, that I would at least be better equipped to deal with everything now than I was then. I guess he's going to call Lorraine again tomorrow. I don't know.

So it looks like I broke him on the first day of being married, if not shortly thereafter, if the freaking honeymoon at DisneyWorld was such a disaster. :{ Oh well. We've had our ups, too, at least. :)

If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk.
If you give a mouse some milk, he'll want some more.
If you give a mouse more milk, he'll develop a taste for human blood.
If he develops a taste for human blood, he'll become a vampire!
If he becomes a vampire, he'll have to make some followers.
Now, if he makes some followers, they will need to feed.
If they feed too much, the National Guard will be called out.
If the National Guard is called out, they too will become fodder for the vampires!
If the National Guard fails, the President will call in a nuclear strike.
If a nuke is dropped, hundreds of thousands of people will die.
America will become a nuclear wasteland and collapse!
With no one to keep the rest of the world's nukes in check, every crackpot nation will launch their own!
Eventually, the entire Earth will be destroyed.
And that's why I had to kill Daddy.

He was giving a mouse a cookie.

So I decided to mail my application letter and resume to the state court job people instead of faxing it. One, I don't have a fax, so we have that online fax thing, which is just sending Word documents to a fax machine. So I worry that it would come over the fax with all the formatting and extra stuff and just look stupid.

But I coordinated all of it to be the same font,and I even figured out how to print up an envelope on the printer, and used the same font for that, too. All we have for 42¢ stamps is Nutcracker ones from xmas, so I used an old 41¢ Flag stamp and a 2¢ Native American jewelry stamp instead.

So anyways. It's 2 am. I have my envelope stuffed. I get on my Crocs-sans-holes, in case it's still raining, and go outside. Close the door behind me. And turn the handle. And realize I locked it. Locked myself out at 2 am. With nothing on me but a lighter. Fuck!

I check the back door, just in case, but no. Then the secret fake rock where once upon a time we kept a spare key. Operative words being Once Upon A Time, of course. Is there any way the front door can be jiggled unlocked, maybe? Nope. Ooh, but I do have a window open on the front porch. And hey- that little flappy doodiddle thingy that keeps the screen in place isn't properly latched. Maybe???

Yes! I think I broke a couple flappy doodiddles, and maybe wrenched the screen a bit more than normal, but I got in the house!! Yay!! And I don't *think* I woke anybody up, to report a break-in...

I hope this job doesn't continue to be a pain in the ass. *lol* Dan has already suggested that I may have to give up tennis. *pout* That would suck. We didn't when we were in VT last week, and I had *such* a hard time sleeping.

OMG, who left the freaking heat on? It was 90 degrees today! Gah!! And It's still sweltering in this house! And there's no screen in the window that *might* let a breeze in this room, so it's not like I can open the window... Ugh. I gotta bring one up from the basement tomorrow. No, two. One for the living room, one for the non-computer room. That window should be openable, too.

I broke out the big broom today and attempted to sweep the sand from the edge of the yard back into the street. In case the town ever sends a street sweeper out here, I don't want to miss it. The soil here is sandy enough as it is, we don't need to add *salted* sand on top of it to kill whatever grass might be coming up. I didn't get anywhere near as much done as I'd wanted to, it was just too damn hot out there.

Poor Dan spread fertilizer or something all over the yard, that you're supposed to put down before it rains. Because we were supposed to get a thunderstorm at some point today. Never happened. Believe me, if it had, I would have gone outside and danced a jig.

Fuck, I hate sweating. This is my whole problem with exercise. Makes me feel dirty and gross. Maybe I need a pool. Or access to one. If I do all my exercise in the water, I won't be sweaty, right? And it won't have a chance to hurt my feet..

I wish the inlaws would get a pool. FIL was told to put one in, for *his* health, but that hurt his precious vanity, so oh no. He finally finally had the inside of his nose reconstructed, and allowed himself to be talked into using a CPAP machine, so he can sleep at night and maybe not doze off at the drop of a hat all day long. Meh, whatever. I know the Y in Westerly has a pool, and once the water warms up some more, there's the swimming hole right down the road. Probably too cold right now, though man I think I might have braved it anyway today!

And not only was one of the characters named Jocelyn, but also in the previews for next week, it showed that Alan Tudyk is finally joining the cast! W007!@!!

So Brytne bombarded my email inbox with websites and job postings and all kinds of crazy stuff, and one of them really stood out: This One. It's for a State Job! Ack!

I know I can do it, but can I write a good enough application letter to sell myself to them? I really don't know. I tried writing one up just now, and had a major brain block. Brytne said she'd read it for me, so I sent it to her. She's going to laugh at how short it is. But my brain just isn't working! I can't think of how to get the point across that dude, I CAN *DO* THIS JOB!! without slipping out of professional mode.. Not that my professional mode is all sorts of polished and awesome. Ah well.

I also put in for a job on Craigslist last night, transcribing a morning radio show. :) It sounded like a cool gig, but I didn't include my resume in my email, because of getting suckered before, and I worry that if it *is* a legitimate job op, that that may have killed my chances. *sigh*

In completely friggin' *AWESOME* news, my sister Rachel got hooked up with a Christian recording company, Hosanna Integrity! right there in Seoul! She'll be singing Korean praise & worship songs that will be translated into English (she'll sing the English translations, of course), they'll record them in Korea, send them off to the main Integrity people in the US, and Bam! She's got a CD!

Now, I don't know if she'll be the next Amy Grant or just a nameless, faceless voice #632 track that they'll be sticking in with 900 other people, but she's super-psyched, and feeling really blessed right now. :)

Had a minor meltdown tonight. Because of the notice of the end of my unemployment checks, Dan said, "So it's all on me, now, huh?" And I *know* he was joking. I know it. But it cut. I am *so* grateful for the letter notifying me that I can put in for an extension, for 20 more weeks of Emergency unemployment.

And I started to feel like a failure. Like I was Job or something. Do well at life, and God just lets shit fall on you when you're on top of things. I mean, I *know* what I've dealt with, what I'm going through is absolutely nothing compared to what others have gone through, *are* going through. I'm just moping. Wallowing. I'm sorry.

And I told Dan that he needed saving. From me. Because I'm unemployed. Because I'm a big old sucking black hole sitting on his couch, and God just lets shit fall on me. Or around me, at least. So if he's nearby, he's getting splattered. Or freaking nailed. And I illustrated with whirling arms and swooshing, shlurking noises. He said I was cute. I told him I was serious. And I got serious. and became seriouser and seriouser until I was crying, thinking about what a freak I am...

Ugh. I need to get a job. I need to get a job. I need to get a job. I need to get a job.

And here I was, thinking about maybe possibly cutting down on my crazy meds. Not gonna happen, not now.

Aimee and Billy have gotten through many of the boxes, and we slept on the sleeper couch in the living room this time. It was all right, but the pillows were *way* too soft. I didn't sleep much Tuesday night, and not well Wednesday night. Oh well.

We took a walk out on the bike path, which used to be the railroad. But the tracks are gone, and it stretches out into the water and across to Burlington, and is based on enormous slabs of granite and marble. Beautiful pieces of stone, which at the time the railway was built, were considered "scrap" and no good to be used for anything. Plenty of smaller pieces as well, and we took a couple home with us.

Aimee's dog Saranac decided it was time to go AWOL, and so he took off for a good half hour out there. Which is not good, because who knows what he was getting into? Tipping trash cans, killing chickens, bothering cats... Ugh. We got Belle and John Henry, their other dogs, back to the house, and went back to the path, and he finally showed up. Naughty dog.

We also hung out in Burlington and had Asian noodles and had tea at a very awesome little tea place.

Came home to find out that I'd received my last unemployment check, and had another letter saying that I have to apply for Emergency Unemployment now. *sigh* Terrific.

Also, we got an E-vite from Dan's Aunt Lorraine, to Disney World. She apparently makes so much that her tax return was freaking enormous, and she has to do something with it, so she's invited us, Aimee & Billy, Mike & Pauline, Wayne & Charlene and their three kids, plus Memere, and then of course Lorraine and Mark, all to go to Disney in September for 5 days. She wants to pay for everybody. Originally, it was going to be that Memere was taking Dakota & Hunter, and then Lorraine and Mark would pay for Charlene. But then Charlene said, what about Wayne? And Mike & Pauline were going to join them, but would pay their own way, and I guess it just snowballed and Lorraine sent out the e-vite to everybody.

Dan & I don't know. Aimee & Billy don't know either. What if I have a job by then? What if I *don't*? Do we really want to spend all that time with all that family? Charlene and Wayne drive everyone crazy on a *good* day! Not to mention how Mike & Pauline can be! I mean, Lorraine says that we can go our own ways, do our own things, but I'm sure there will be some mandatory together time.

But on the other hand, September is the month of our 10th anniversary. It would be like a free reliving of our honeymoon, Lorraine has even booked the same hotel for us all! And we'd be able to see the stuff that was closed at Epcot when we went back in '99.

So... I don't know. We have to let Lorraine know by the 28th. Not much time to make a decision. Sucks. We'd have until like August to back out, too. But still.

God, I have to get a freaking job. Hear me, Universe?!?!? Job! Needed! Here!!

..as a proofreader. I wasn't sure how to seriously say "I don't have any real experience but damn I'm good at it anyway, hire meeee!!!", so I kinda went with a jokey style that might cost me.

*lol* I'm going to create an anonymous antihero persona, a spellchecking menace, who takes pictures of misspelled words or signs with obviously bad grammar, prints them out and corrects them with red Sharpie, and then mails them to the perpetrators! MUAHAHAHAH!!!! OMG, I could be *so* busy with that job.

I went upstairs to get my PJs on. I wasn't up there 5 minutes. When I came back downstairs to settle back in for more tv, there was a car parked out front of the house. 2-door, maybe a small 4-door. Not in the driveway, but in the road. Facing to the left. Now, it's 2 am. Dan's been gone an hour.

I realize that they can see me, silhouetted in the window, looking out at them. I shut off the light. I shut off the TV. I see people in the car for a split second, as one of the doors is opened and shut quickly. The car heads up the cul-de-sac, turns around, and I watch as its headlights pass over our yard and the piece of road it had been occupying.

I didn't see anybody in the headlights, as they swung across the yard. The car continued on up the road and is gone. I didn't hear anything after that, and the motion-sensor lights we have ont he front porch didn't go off until Robert jumped up on the chair to be let in and I opened the door for him.

It was just weird. Random car, parked in front of random house.. They couldn't have stopped in between my house and the people next door? There's nothing there but the pond! And why'd they open the door? Where'd they go? Was it one of the kids across the street, and they hiked it up the hill? Why would they do that instead of going up the driveway like a proper human being? Besides, I don't see any lights on over there.

Strange. So yeah, I'm writing it down, just in case they *were* dropping off an axe-murderer and I get killed in the next 20 minutes or so... *lol*

And it was quite a success. :) We bought some posterboard and wooden dowels, markers and some pre-cut tacky-back letters and made our own signs. They had two sides each, and mine said "Don't tax me, bro!" and "Put the Fed to bed!", while Dan's said "Pursuit of happiness -NOT- Government subsidized happiness" and "The United Socialist States of America?"

There was a good crowd, had to have been a core of about 1500 people, with hundreds more coming and going for the three hours we were there. The worst part was that it was outdoors and I didn't wear a coat. The thermometer said it was 60 degrees! I didn't know it was going to be so windy! At least I had my flannel.

There was one anti-protester that we saw. They stood in the middle of the crowd with a two-sided sign. One side said "Morons" and had arrows pointing down at the people around them, and the other side said "I'm NOT with Stupid" and again, had arrows pointing down at the people around them. We saw the sign, thought it was kinda funny, and then watched as other serious signs flocked around it, blocked it from sight, and then it came down. And the other signs dispersed back into the crowd. And we didn't see it again. It was great.

But it didn't make sense, really. We were there to protest all the taxes, you know. So what did that guy want? More taxes? *lol*

:P It was a scam. They emailed to say the position was filled, but they have an awesome survey site I can apply to for a nominal fee! Ugh.

I'm not even going to reply to the email. I'm sure the whole proofreading post was a lure for someone like me. And now they have my email address.. Hell, they have my resume, so they have like all my info. Unless they weren't paying attention and deleted it. Ugh. No more. Next time I put in for something on Craigslist, it's just going to be in an email, with "resume to follow". Dammit.

In better news, I found out that Kohl's is selling Birk-style sandals, so I am going to pick some up today. I have to. The ones I have are so worn out that the cork is coming through the soles, and one of the straps on the right one is almost torn all the way through. I've been compensating for that, and so now my foot is all crampy and it hurts. So new sandals! YAY! I hope they fit well and are comfy.

Well, that's what Dan's cooking. :) Hopefully they'll be tasty.

So we got the paperwork in from Ditech for the Big Refinance the other day. We found our credit scores in there, and Holy Crap! We have some crazy stellar credit. Which is really good. Probably helped them overlook me not having a job right now.

I've been asked several times recently how I'm liking my "time off". :P I know Memere and.. whoever else it was that asked were only making small talk, but jeez. I feel like a shmoe already, thanks alot. And with this refinance, I'm starting to get nervous. The mortgage is going up. I mean, no more oil, and our electricity bill is going to be halved, just about. But still.

And we've had this high level of static in the house for a long time. Too long. Last night we were thinking about it, and how the solar guy said that our electricity use seemed a bit high. And we looked to the microwave. We installed it ourselves, it's an over-the-range one, and we had to do some finagling when it came with a plug, and we had nothing to plug it into. So we cut the plug off and hard-wired it in where the old range hood used to be.

But it's done some weird things. Like, if you have one-person-serving size bags of popcorn, and you run one bag using the Popcorn button, and then you throw a second bag int here and hit the popcorn button again, the whole thing turns off. Like it shorts itself out or something. So we just don't do that. It's fine for everything else, hell, we've nuked dishes of vegetables for long periods of time and then turned around and done another dish for another long time, and it was fine. Just not for the popcorn button on self-sized bags.

So anyways, we were thinking last night, what if it's wired badly in a way that spills electricity over into the house, creating the extra static everywhere? Plus making the bill higher than it should be? And Dan happens to work with a guy who's an electrician, so he's going to talk to him when he comes back from his days off, see if he'll come take a look. So that will be good.